1. When they try to recreate s.ex positions that they’ve obviously seen on some online p.orn site, and you end up basically doing a headstand, looking a mess and having to listen to them say: “You’re loving that aren’t you babes?” Err, no.
2. When you’re on top and they’re just staring at you and it’s like, ahhh what face do I pull? So you just close your eyes and hope for the best.
3. When they ask YOU to put the con.dom on. Just no.
4. When they think it’s se.xy to spank you so hard that you just want to turn around and punch them in the face.
5. Asking “do you like that?” How about just don’t talk and see if I look like I don’t want to kill myself/watch TV over your shoulder.
6. When you give them a bl.ow job and they act as if you don’t have a gag reflex. How about I’m sick all over your pe.nis?
7. When they ask you to str.ip (which is always awkward – what music do you put on?) and then your skinny jeans get stuck round your ankles.
8. When they see random things they’ve read online and think they’re a good idea. Err no, I don’t want ice rubbed all over my body.
9. When you’re in the middle of for.eplay and they thrust a finger up your bum with NO warning.
10. When they drag it out because they’re waiting for you to or.gasm first. You’re going to be waiting a while for that…
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