We’ve all had some messy nights out but
one dude confessed on Reddit to the grossest night we’ve read about in a
long time. Get ready for a nas-ty ride.
The unfortunate Redditor, who is in the
second year of university, went to a friend’s birthday party, where he
managed to grab a girl. He took the girl back to his house where they
did the ‘nas-ty’ before he drunkenly passed out, blissfully ignorant of
what was yet to come.
In the middle of the night, however, our
sozzled hero woke up, with the funny feeling that his leg was a bit
wet. Worried that he’d pissed the bed while drunk, he snuck to the
bathroom to investigate. What he found will no doubt be burned into his
brain for the rest of his life.
His entire right leg was completely
coated in excrement from the waist down to his knee. He (obviously)
began freaking out and checked “between his cheeks”, to his relief
though, he was clean and “shit free”.
Reasonably deciding that the next course
of action should be washing the shit off himself, he jumped in the
shower and came up with a plan for dealing with the ‘shit-uation’. Unfortunately, being drunk makes planning quite difficult, so he decided it was a problem for sober him to deal with, before crashing out in his roommate’s empty bed.
shower and came up with a plan for dealing with the ‘shit-uation’. Unfortunately, being drunk makes planning quite difficult, so he decided it was a problem for sober him to deal with, before crashing out in his roommate’s empty bed.
Waking from his drunken sleep, he sat up
as the horrific events of last night came back to him. He rushed
upstairs and pulled open the door to his room.
He described what he was met with:
The
English language fails to describe the smell that met me. I was hit by
an odour wave so powerful that I recoiled back a step, like when you
open the oven door to a face full of steam. The smell overwhelmed my
entire consciousness for a few moments, when I snapped out of the
pungent daze I poked my head through the open door… carnage. Total
Carnage.
He immediately began screaming for his
roommate who rushed into the room and spotted the diarrhoea disaster.
They both began braying laughter all over the place. Clearly the nasty
stench had gotten to them. It was only when the roommate spotted his
towel covered in shit in the middle of the room that the two pieced
together what had happened.
The girl had clearly over-indulged the
night before and ‘relieved herself’ in her sleep, all over the poor
guy’s bed. At some point she obviously woke up, mortified at what had
happened, and ran off before anybody could notice.
After recovering from the laughter though, the Redditor had to clean up this unfortunate mess.
He explained:
“Back upstairs, I gingerly crawled
across my bare mattress to sniff where the main pile had lain. A lungful
of shit told me that the mattress was also soiled through. Solution?
Bread knife. I spent a good half an hour manically sawing through the
fabric and inner material to remove the soaked half before I flipped the
mattress. Good as new.”
Thankfully, he did use more than just a bread-knife and got an industrial steam cleaner to make sure the stench was gone.
I would have just simply thrown the entire bed away. Lmao!!! –
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