S.ex can be quite an anxious time for
most of us. I once had a friend who sent her boyfriend home without any
action because she wasn’t wearing glamorous underwear. Well truth be
told, guys don’t really care about your lingerie as long as the action
is good. In fact, here are other things that they genuinely don’t care
about (and you shouldn’t too)
1. Any sounds your va.gina may make during intercourse.
Weird se.x noises are totally normal and
the only way they’re horrible is when you stop mid-coitus to be like,
“Oh, man. That was gross.” No, it wasn’t. What’s gross is having se.x
one moment and then not having s.ex the next just because apparently you
never shoved your hand in a tube of Gak growing up. This is what
happens when you shove something into something tight and wet. Air
escapes violently.
2. How many stretch marks you seem to have.
Sincerely, he doesn’t care abit about you stretch marks during s.ex, honestly no one is counting at that moment.
3. Whatever weird s.ex face you think you’re making.
We probably think it’s hot. Also, it’s tough to pay attention because we’re too busy making weird s.ex faces.
4. He’s in the wrong spot but you are scared to point it out.
Why should you be embarrassed to guide
him? If something doesn’t feel right, or you need us to speed up or slow
down, say something. No guy is going to complain about a little
constructive criticism. Just don’t bark orders. There’s a difference
between moaning, “F.uck me slower,” and saying, “To the left, you
idiot.”
5. How long it takes you to come.
As long as our legs aren’t cramping up
after 30 minutes of pumping away, don’t worry about how long it takes
you to get there. The only thing that makes us feel more manly than
making a woman come is hammering swords shirtless in our iron forge and
most of us don’t have those anyway so it’s pretty much just this.
6. Your vagina doesn’t smell like a field of flowers.
If your vagina literally smells like a
field full of flowers, that might be a cause for concern. But a vagina
is supposed to smell like a vagina. Plus, it’s not like Yankee Candle is
ever going to put out a “Balls” scent, so we’re pretty much even. Most
guys either actively like the way you smell down there or are pretty
neutral on the whole thing.
7. Whether or not your hair is up.
Believe it or not, when we’re busy
thinking, “Oh boy, I’m having s.ex,” we don’t have time to think about
dumb things like whether or not you washed your hair. There’s no need to
whip out 19 bobby pins and start styling your hair while you ride us.
Just let it fall in front of your face and hit us in the eye. We don’t
care. We’re having s.ex
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