Heard “Not tonight, honey” a few too
many times lately? If it’s just not happening between the sheets for you
and your lady, it might be time to learn what really gets her psyched
for s ex. While guys are generally up for s ex whenever, wherever
(regardless of the situation), women tend to need a bit more
inspiration, according to Cindy M. Meston, Ph.D.
and David M. Buss, Ph.D., psychology professors at the University of Texas at Austin and coauthors of Why Women Have s ex: Understanding s exual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between). For a better understanding of how to get her in the mood, consider the following eight factors that Meston and Buss say affects a woman’s lib ido:
and David M. Buss, Ph.D., psychology professors at the University of Texas at Austin and coauthors of Why Women Have s ex: Understanding s exual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between). For a better understanding of how to get her in the mood, consider the following eight factors that Meston and Buss say affects a woman’s lib ido:
1. Her man’s appearance Men are usually
considered to be the most turned on by visual stimuli (think about it:
how many strip clubs and adult magazines are actually targeted toward
females?), but women are actually quite turned on by a man’s face, bo dy
and movement as well, say Meston and Buss. “s exually, women are
attracted to men with masculine features, although not too masculine,”
Meston explains.
“A little light stubble is usually a
turn-on for women if it’s clean and well-kept. bo dy-wise, women
generally find men with a V-shaped tor so or a high shoulder-to-hip
ratio s exually attractive. Motion is important, too, as women find
athletic prowess and agility to be s exual turn-ons.” The bottom line:
If you’d like to get her in the sack, a good first step to take might be
getting yourself into the gym.
2. The time of day Meston says that
women are very individualized in terms of when they most prefer to get
it on: “In general, women want to have s ex when they feel their best —
when they have energy, feel connected to their partners, aren’t
distracted by work or stressful daily events, and when they feel s exy —
and that may or may not be at night.” In order to figure out when a
woman’s most likely to be in the mood, pay attention to the times she
seems the most energized and/or chilled out. Try thinking outside the
box — you may find that she’d love a post-jog quickie right before her
shower!
3. Certain smells Meston and Buss explain that, for women, sense of smell is far more important than it is to men when it comes to s exual attraction. Simply put: if a woman doesn’t like the way a man smells, it’s often a deal-breaker — whether she consciously realizes it or not. The number one turn-off reported by most women is — not surprisingly — bad breath, says Buss. A woman’s sense of smell also plays an interesting biological role in what attracts her to a man, according to Meston:
“Olfactory signals provide a woman with a
wealth of information about a man’s health, hygiene, and even his ge
netic makeup,” she notes. Pheromones — tiny airborne molecules that
humans emit from various glands in their bo dy
— can influence a woman’s desire to be s
exually intimate with a man. Male pheromones have been shown to provide
information on a man’s symmetry, which is an indicator of g enetic
fitness and ultimately can determine whether a man is gene tically
compatible with a woman. “For many women — whether they realize it or
not — scent can play an important role in determining her willingness to
have s ex with a man, given her ‘sense’ of whether they can produce ge
netically healthy, strong children together,” says Buss.
4. Her guy’s choice of words Often, what
a man says is more important than what he does when he’s trying to get a
woman in the mood. “Offering compliments is usually a sure-fire way of
making someone want to get closer… although, if the compliments come
across as insincere, they will actually turn her off,” says Meston. To
score extra sincerity points, make references to future activities you’d
like to do together, explains Meston, noting that showing signs of
commitment can often be s exually alluring to women. Buss also notes
that a man with a sense of humor is also a s exual turn-on for the
ladies: “If a man can make a woman laugh,
it relaxes her and makes her feel that
he ‘gets’ her,” he says, adding that a good sense of humor also conveys
some key qualities women want in a mate: intelligence (it’s hard to be
witty if you’re not too bright), the ability to gauge her emotional and
social perspective (a.k.a. having the mind-reading skills to know what
she will find amusing), and social verve or confidence.
6. Ge netics Women prefer men whose MHC
genes (or Major HistoCompatibility genes) are dissimilar to their own,
because this is the set of ge nes involved in determining an
individual’s immune function. “Having children with men who are
dissimilar produces children with healthier immune systems,” Buss
explains. “Astonishingly, women seem to be able to pick this up through
sense of smell, especially at ovula tion, if they are not on hormonal
contraceptives.”
7. Her physical health or well-being If
you’re looking for a few good reasons why she should have s ex with you,
there are countless ways in which you can emphasize that “getting busy”
would be a wise move for her health. “During orgasm, opiates — the bo
dy’s natural painkillers — are released, which can help decrease all
sorts of aches and pains for women,” Meston explains. s ex can also help
maintain the bo dy’s flexibility and cardiovascular health, decrease
anxiety, and enhance overall mood. Additionally, Meston notes, having s
ex during me nstruation decreases a woman’s risk of experiencing endo
metriosis symptoms. Of course, s ex (if it lasts long enough!) can also
be a good calorie burner, so you can always suggest it as a fantastic
way to burn off the chocolate cheesecake you shared for dessert.
8. To raise her social status or sense
of self-esteem In their research, Meston and Buss found that, for some
women, having s ex is more about competition and winning (see who went
home with the good-looking guy at the bar?). For women that do this to
compete with others and also raise their social standing, her intended
target’s social status is a key factor in revving her lib ido. “Young
women who are ‘grou pies,’ for example, often compete to see who can
have s ex with the musician who has a higher status, while Monica
Lewinsky raised her status by having an intimate connection with the
President,”
Buss says. She goes on to explain that,
for women who have s ex to raise their self-esteem, the motivating
factor is usually the need to feel s exually desirable. “Some women
suffer from low self-esteem and feel bad about their bo dies for a
variety of reasons, ranging from comparisons with media models to
put-downs by their regular mates,” explains Buss. Having s ex with a man
who finds her irresistibly hot and her bo dy incredibly beautiful can
provide a huge boost to a woman’s self-esteem — so if you’re looking for
a little loving, make her feel like she’s the s exiest woman on the
planet
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