‘Here I Am, A Mere Human Being,’ Says N@ ked Candidate
Flatly declaring to audience members
that she stood on stage as no more than a human being with nothing to
hide, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton reportedly
appeared Friday before a campaign rally completely nu -de in a bid to
once and for all prove her authenticity.
Moments after being introduced to an
enthusiastic crowd by North Carolina congressman G. K. Butterfield,
Clinton is said to have taken the stage at PNC Arena, whereupon the
20,000 cheering spectators became abruptly silent at the sight of the
fully naked former secretary of state walking slowly across the dais to
the tune of John Mellencamp’s “Pink Houses.”
“I am here today not as a politician,
nor as a presidential candidate, but simply as a vulnerable, flawed
human—just like any one of you,” said Clinton, before pivoting in a slow
circle at center stage with her arms outstretched at her sides and her
palms held open, presenting to the crowd the entirety of her nu de body.
“Look upon me, friends. Go ahead and truly look. What you see before
you is a living, breathing woman standing here exactly as she was
created. I am unadorned. I am without artifice. I am real.”
“This, North Carolina, is Hillary Rodham Clinton,” she continued.
The former first lady, who throughout
the rally spoke while clutching a handheld microphone inches from her
exposed bre@sts, was then said to have elaborated for nearly 60 minutes
on her essential nature and the shared human experience of being
composed of humble organic matter, her pale, naked flesh standing in
stark relief against the backdrop of her campaign logo. In addition to
foregoing clothing, sources said Clinton appeared without makeup and
allowed her hair to fall naturally to her bare shoulders, her
unvarnished nu de image projected on the arena’s 30-foot Jumbotron
screen as she described herself as a “fragile, impermanent vessel.”
Those in attendance reported that Clinton’s speech—which often
returned to the theme that, underneath the walls we put up to protect
ourselves, we’re all merely people striving, surviving, and trying to do
our best—was met largely by uninterrupted silence from the stunned and
increasingly uncomfortable audience. Sources added that during pauses in
her address, Clinton’s bare feet could be heard sticking against the
floor as she walked across the raised platform.Witnesses also noted that the bright stage lights left Clinton’s entire nu de body covered in a visible sheen of slick sweat.
“I ask that you trust me, just as I have placed my trust in you by standing here today utterly defenseless and unconcealed,” said Clinton before taking a sip of water, as a supporter’s cough echoed throughout the arena and the last of the crowd’s “Fighting For Us” posters slowly sank into the sea of spectators. “You can believe in me because I am a person. I have fears, wants, and desires, as all of you do.”
“I have known love and loss, joy and anguish; in the lines and creases of my body, you can read a simple, straightforward story of hard-earned experience,” she added.
During several attempts to lock eyes with uneasy supporters in the front row, sources said Clinton strongly implored those in attendance not to divert their gaze from her naked form, stressing that her exposed body stood as a symbol of who, in essence, we all truly are.
“Yes, this same body has survived childbirth, illness, and nearly seven decades of winters; and yes, it may now lack the suppleness and blush of youth,” said Clinton, who, according to witnesses, then began gently running her hand along her sagging underarm skin and the varicose veins crisscrossing her thighs. “But all of these imperfections simultaneously make me a person like any other and a unique individual, and for that I am grateful. And so, when I say that I will fight to expand the middle class and ensure economic opportunity for all Americans, I can say it with the conviction of someone who has—as we all must one day—confronted and accepted the humbling limitations of the human body.”
“Let there be no doubt that I am who you perceive me to be—nothing more, nothing less,” Clinton continued.
Following the conclusion of her speech, sources confirmed that Clinton exited the stage to a smattering of applause and attempted to embrace resistant supporters along the ropeline before being whisked away to a fundraiser where she posed for photos with unsettled donors.
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