I have been hearing about this kind of
issue but not seen one until it happened close to me. I know this might
be a little bit long but i just want to put it out and learn from people
to find a resolution.
Had we intervened in our own little way,
would things have come out this way? This is the question have been
asking myself since Monday when i heard of this issue.
I am still stunned and couldn’t believe
what is happening, neither is my wife. How could two months old marriage
crash just like that without any remedy.
Have been hearing that marriages crash but this one is somehow exceptional and called
for various questions which are still unanswerable as at this moment.
for various questions which are still unanswerable as at this moment.
I relocated to a new apartment which was
a twin flat in a compound, my neighbour moved into the compound two
months after us even though our money started reading at the same time.
This was because they just had their wedding a week before they moved
in.
Both of us in the building are young
couples, i have been married for three years, we see ourselves as
brothers as love birds, four of us in the compound were of the same age
mate and our thought from beginning was that we will be able to relate
very well with each other as young educated chaps.
Barely two weeks the newly married
couple moved in, i called the attention of my wife to the fact that i
don’t see our neighbours behaving like a newly wedded couple, at least
love should still be in the air and we should be seeing them running
over each other but reverse is the case. In fact most times when there
was no light, i will be hearing their voice as if they were arguing.
Moreover, the wife always wear a not too happy face most times
I and my wife agreed that,
misunderstanding is bound to happen; they are new to marital life as
such they are just trying to get to know each other very well. It is
often said that first year of marriage is the toughest one as i could
remember what we also went through during our first year but we endure
due to our perseverance and parents counselling that we should always
exercise patience with each other and today me and my wife understand
each other very well now. We assumed, it was their own time too and they
will overcome it.
Gradually we became a bit close with
each other, i realized that the husband was an introvert who is always
himself and you hardly see him outside while the wife was the opposite.
When the husband is not around, the wife will come to our place, we will
gist, talk, watch movies, musicals, euro 2016 together.
In fact, i was surprise the wife knows
about football and i used her as a reference point to my wife whenever
we are watching football as she doesn’t have interest in any sport at
all. The husband will call her whenever he comes back and the wife will
go and meet her, sometimes she will come back while sometimes she might
not come back again.
The first sign we noticed was on a
particular day, my wife called her attention to the fact that her
husband was back and the response she gave was that “he’s welcome”, my
wife inquired if she won’t go and meet her husband and she said she
should leave her alone but my wife insisted that she must go, not quite
long the husband called and asked where she was before she stepped out
of our flat.
As time goes on, the she opened up to us
that the husband is like a snake under the green grass and not as quiet
as he looks from outside, he doesn’t help her with house chores, his
routine is coming back from work and going to bed immediately, he likes
sleeping a lot, sometimes they might be talking with each other and the
husband would have slept off during the conversation. She complained
that house for her is always boring as she could see how me and my wife
always relate with each other and the way i always help her with
cooking, house cleaning and washing most times.
My wife corrected her that Rome was not
built in a day; i was also an introvert even though not as much as her
husband but with time she understood me and what is happening was the
result.
In the word of my wife “if your husband
is so alone with himself, you have to open a communication with him,
gist with him, gossip on some irrelevant thing with him, give him task
to do for you, if you are going to the kitchen and he is inside, call
him to come to the kitchen and keep you company, by talking with you in
the kitchen you will be asking him for help like help me take some
water, please pass me bowl of salt and magi, you have to mould him to
what you want, your marriage is not so long and you wouldn’t have known
each other much and don’t compare the life you are living with your
parent with your marriage, this is your new home and you have to build
it the way you want, you are the mother of the house, you have to take
charge and build your home”.She still complained that the husband
will not do any of it but we asked if she has given it a try which she
said NO. We told her not to compare us with her own marriage as they
will still be like us as time goes on. She should communicate a lot with
her husband and exercise patience. I specifically told her that love is
not enough in marriage and the ingredient of a good marriage is
perseverance, open communication, understanding and patience.
After she left that evening, i asked my
wife if i should talk to the husband as guy to guy but she advised i
shouldn’t so that it won’t look as if we are putting mouth into their
affairs and it shouldn’t look as if any time the wife comes to our
place, we always discuss their issue. I agreed with my wife and believed
the wife should be wise enough to take charge and make things work out
for good.
We were in our flat in the evening when
the husband knocked our door and the question that came out from his
mouth was “Did my wife tell you where she was going to?” I was surprised
but my wife responded that she saw her packing some things this morning
and she came to tell her she was travelling and will be back by
weekend. The husband said “Do you know that my wife has packed out of
the house? She sent me a message that she was no more interested in the
marriage, she has dropped my key for me and wish me well in the future.
We went into their flat and the only
thing remaining was the chair, bed and the husband’s cloth, every other
thing is gone including to something as small as eating spoon in the
house. My wife dialed the lady’s number and it was switched off. I
noticed i went to their flat in the morning to discuss an issue
concerning the compound with the wife, i met a saucy friend of her in
their flat that was just talking anyhow and putting her mouth into our
discussion, i saw some packed load on the floor but my mind didn’t even
go to anything like that.
I remembered i once called the attention
to the fact that i have seen the wife like three times taking things
out of the house as if someone was traveling, going out with two
traveling bag and so. My wife said maybe probably she borrowed it and
decided to return it to the owner but i told her then that i suspected
maybe she was packing out of the house.
The husband said he also noticed that
her belongings were reducing in the house everyday and it got to a stage
he started questioning her about where her things were but its either
she says her sisters came to borrow her bags or she took her cloths for
dry cleaning and they still argued about the rate at which her
belongings had reduced in the house before going out in the morning and
she swore in the name of God that her things were still intact.
I couldn’t face it when a grown up guy
busted into tears in my flat saying he didn’t offend her and they didn’t
have any misunderstanding prior before now. Like every marriage, they
do have argument but they try as much as possible to settle it like
couples do. He started asking what exactly did he do wrong.
The questions have been asking was why
go into a marriage which you don’t want? That Monday was exactly two
months they got married. I don’t know if there was emotional torture but
am very sure there was never a physical abuse between them. Is divorce
the next option if you don’t like your husband behavior? I asked the
husband how long they dated before the marriage and he said over one and
half years. If they were match make, he said NO, he saw her, asked her
out and she accepted to date him. The question is WHAT WENT WRONG?
I keep asking myself if things would not
have turned this way if we had intervened and shared experience with
them as a young couple because apparently i believe they didn’t even
witnessed 1% of what me and my wife went through in our first year.
Have called the wife like three times
since this incident happened, her friend has been the one picking
telling me it was a wrong number, the number her husband gave me
himself. The wife’s parent said they don’t know anything about it and
her whereabouts but i doubt if the lady’s mum didn’t know about all
this.
The wife still respect me a lot and am
thinking what i can do to even help, if i can talk her out of her
thinking…Please what can i do to remedy this situation. Have sent a text
message already to her phone telling her i was the one calling because i
know she doesn’t have my number but their hasn’t been any response, i
doubt if the friend handling the phone will even show her the text
message.
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