These are the things you must not say to
your partner during s*x in order not to make him or her lose interest
during s.xual intercourse.
Talking about s*x is something every
couple should do but there are some things that should never, ever
escape your lips – especially during the heat of the moment.
Hands up who’s ever said the wrong thing in bed – or been on the receiving end of any of these s.xual clangers?
Read on for the 15 things that shouldn’t be said between the sheets. So how many are you guilty of?
1. Yes, yes, yes, Alexander!
Nothing wrong with this if your
partner’s name is Alexander but if it’s John, it’s not going to go down
too well. Eighty per cent of couples fantasise about someone else when
having s*x with their partner.
Rather sensibly, most of us don’t feel
the need to confess that we’ve mentally transformed our partner into our
latest lust crush (Alexander Skarsgard in a teensy loin cloth in The
Legend of Tarzan, for instance).
Having a fantasy playing in your head is
a normal and quite effective way to perk up s.x with someone you’ve
slept with many, many times before. But blurting out the wrong name in
the heat of the moment will guarantee a big row rather than a big O.
2. My ex used to love this
This is one of those ‘I’m amazing in
bed’ boasts that never really works. Who cares what your ex liked? He or
she probably had completely different s.xual taste to us.
Even if they didn’t, do we really want
the image of you in bed with someone else planted in our heads? We all
like to think that our partner’s were delivered to us in zip-lock
plastic bags, untouched by others.
Another pleasant illusion is that they
definitely never loved or lusted after anyone as much as they do
us. Positive s.xual talk of exes destroys all of this and most of us
prefer to stay deluded, thanks very much.
3. Not like that
Along with ‘What are you doing?’ any
less than encouraging comments about technique sabotage the best s.x
session. I’m all for feedback and letting your partner know what you
want but there’s a time, a place and a way of doing it.
Unless you’ve both agreed that this
particular session is all about ‘training’ each other in what you want,
you’ll generally get much further talking nitty-gritty specifics out of
bed.
4. Is it in yet?
A no-no for the glaringly obvious reason
of insinuating he’s not very big, those three words decimate a man’s
s.xual confidence instantly and swiftly.
More than 90 per cent of men worry about their penis size – which is why this tops the list for him.
But there’s an equally as ego-destroying
flipside, if he says it to her. Sure, you haven’t been doing your kegel
exercises that regularly but surely he can’t possibly mean…
5. Surprise!
Some surprises are great (you walk in
after a boring Monday to find the place candlelit, a bottle of champagne
chilled and glass poured and your partner na.ked and artfully arranged
on the rug).
Others are not (you walk in after a
boring Monday to find your partner and his best friend artfully arranged
on the rug waiting to indulge that threesome fantasy you once drunkenly
confessed to).
‘Mild’ s.xy treats (lingerie, a new s.x
toy, a tie-up game) are usually welcomed but anything else (‘extreme’
s.x toys – use your imagination – and surprise destinations like a
lap-dancing club or swingers party) should be discussed and decided on
together.
6. Can you hurry up?
Translation: let’s get this over with.
S*x is supposed to be enjoyable,
something you linger over and don’t want to end not something you rush
through. Insulting no matter how you look at it.
7. You really do need to get back to the gym
Yes people do really say things like this. Witness this classics that was emailed to me.
‘There we were, basking in the afterglow of the best s*x we’d had in ages, when my husband said, ‘You know you asked me if you’d put on weight? Well, you have a bit’.
I don’t mind criticism but does it have to be in the middle of s*x?’
Body confidence issues affect both s.xes and never are we more vulnerable than na.ked in bed.
8. Are they real?
Even if her brea$ts aren’t moving at all in that very energetic position, now is not the time to ask whether she bought them.
9. What’s wrong? Don’t you fancy me?
There are a myriad of reasons why men
don’t get erections on cue and him not fancying you is one of the least
likely. More likely is he’s drunk, stressed or tired – or fancies you
too much and is worried like mad he’s not going to perform well.
Either way, making a big deal of it makes the situation worse.
10. You can’t stop now!
A favourite of teenage boys, who claimed
their testicles would change colour if a girl didn’t ‘finish them off’,
this is still dragged out today.
Sure, ideally, you’d both end up feeling sated and satisfied after every s.x session.
But real life isn’t like that.
Sometimes one person feels like s.x more
than the other, their partner agrees to give it a try but just can’t
get into it. If that happens, the courteous thing to do is be happy your
partner at least tried to get in the mood and look after yourself.
(That’s assuming this doesn’t happen every single time, of course.
If it’s the norm that your partner
selfishly satisfies themself – without giving a hoot about you – that’s a
different story altogether.)
11. What, that’s it?
Up there with, ‘Is it in yet?’, you
suggesting the s.x was over way too quickly is one of his biggest
fears. Even if you think it, don’t speak it.
Besides, even if the entire session lasted under five minutes, him having an 0rga.sm doesn’t mean you have to stop making love.
There’s more than one way to give a woman an orgasm – and interc-ourse is actually the least effective.
12. I just need to take this call/answer this text
One in five people say they’ve done this
during s*x. But unless someone you know and love is ill, it really is
an emergency or you’re waiting for a confirmation call from the lottery,
interrupting s.x to play on your smart phone effectively says ‘This is
far more interesting to me than having s.x with you’.
13. Have you had an orgasm yet?
Nothing, but nothing, can delay her 0rg.asm more than him popping his head up expectantly and asking,‘Are you done yet?’ Every time he stops stimulation, she slides back down the arousal scale: so if you really do want her to hurry up, stay put!
Hurrying someone towards 0rg.asm
accomplishes completely the opposite psychologically as well. If you’re
worrying your partner is getting bored, you’re hardly in the head space
for enjoying what’s happening to you.
14. Are you sure you had an 0rga.sm?
Aka ‘Did you just fake it?’
Thing is, some 0rga.sms are obvious,
others aren’t. Even with men – generally easier to spot – they vary.
Some involve lots of thrashing about and grinding of teeth, other times
there’s a tiny sigh of satisfaction and that’s it.
Was it fake or was it simply a less intense version than normal?
If you’re looking for reassurance that
they enjoyed the s.x, ask for that instead. If you genuinely think they
faked it, make it clear you don’t expect they will have an 0rg.asm every
single time and they won’t feel the need to pretend in future.
15. You’re perverted!
You don’t have to agree to do everything
your partner suggests but do think twice before pronouncing them
‘weird’, ‘kinky’ or suggesting they ‘get help’ (unless of course the
request really is out there, in which case go right ahead!).
Remember, what we fancy sexually is
simply a matter of individual taste. We all have different palates – one
person prefers savoury, the other sweet.
No-one’s right or wrong.
Source: Dailymail
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